When Plan A Doesn’t Work Out

When Plan A Doesn’t Work Out

What if Plan B isn’t just the backup—but a better way through?

I’m a planner, make lists, and schedule things. I envision how everything should play out. You know where I’m going right? Sometimes it does—and I feel brilliant. Cue the pat on the back.

And sometimes it doesn’t—and I feel like a loser. Cue the despair and internal wailing about the unfairness of it all.

But lately I’ve been wondering: What if there’s a place between brilliance and despair? What if we could move to Plan B with relative ease?

A Carpet Story (and a Small Meltdown)

The Tuesday after 4th of July weekend we were scheduled for new carpet installation upstairs.  Sounds simple, right?

It wasn’t. Only furniture could be left on the floor.

Turns out, a lot lives on the floor in our house. Shoes, for starters. Or, more accurately, a small warehouse of shoes. Mostly my husband’s. You believe that right? Okay, I didn’t count. But it felt like DSW Warehouse had an explosion!

 The long 4th of July weekend was spent hauling everything downstairs. We were sore. We were tired. But we were ready.

At 5:47 p.m. the night before installation, I got a text: “So sorry but your carpet has been rescheduled to Friday.”

I promptly called the 800 number. Left a “this is unacceptable” message and that I expected the carpet to be delivered as promised…It wasn’t.

The carpet came Friday. And yes, we survived. We got in more steps. We got creative with shoe retrieval. And somewhere between trips up and down stairs, I realized: I’ve lived through enough Plan A pivots to move to Plan B with a little less pain these days.

Here’s What Helps

1. Plan with a loose grip.
   I still plan. I still make my lists. I still map out the path on Plan A. But I hold it all a little more loosely now. I plan—without pretending I control the universe. It helps.
2. Don’t Horrible-ize.
   Sure, I wondered how we’d endure the mess in the living room for four days. But then I thought, we’ll manage. And we did.
3. “It could be worse.”
   My mom used to say this all the time. Even when her body was failing, she’d share the latest indignities and then say, “But things could always be worse, you know?”
   And I’ve learned she was right. It could have been a two-week delay. Or a completely canceled order.
4. Sometimes Plan B is a gift.
   The Friday crew? Incredible. They knew we’d been inconvenienced, so they went the extra mile. They hauled in a new bedframe from the garage. They carried a chair (that I’d decided would work better in a bedroom) up two flights of stairs from the basement.
   Sure, I tipped them well—but they probably wouldn’t have done all that on Tuesday.
5. Phone a Friend.
   Whether it’s a friend, a sibling, or someone who’ll let you vent for five minutes—it can make a difference. Sometimes Plan B feels less heavy when someone else helps you carry it. (A big thank you to my own sister for the phone call Monday evening.)

What This Has to Do with Divorce

I’ve practiced family law for over 30 years, and I can’t count the number of clients who, years later, told me something like:

“Remember how devastated I was when my marriage ended? But I have to tell you—I didn’t even realize how unhappy I was until I wasn’t anymore.”

Plan B—which they didn’t want at all—gave them space to breathe again. To rediscover themselves. To feel peace.

Moving from Plan A to B

Plan A doesn’t always work out. But if we plan it loosely, avoid instant Horrible-izing, explore all the ways it could have been worse, and allow for the possibility that Plan B might not be all bad, the pivot to Plan B might be a little easier. Phone a friend and tell them all about it.

Oh, I love the new carpet.

Wishing you Wisdom,

Deborah